I often think about where my bullies are now. For many years in school the popular boys would objectify and harass me. They would follow me home and cat call me. I would try to hide behind the trees in my street to get away. I saw them do this to other girls too. It was often the girls that were like me. They were quiet, or considered weird, and didn’t have many friends. I have carried this pain with me for so long and the trauma has controlled my life. I still have nightmares and wake up in a cold sweat, scared of being stalked in my dreams. For a long time, I told myself to work hard academically so I can have a better life than them, but in this I lost control and became engulfed by academic OCD. This stress and trauma had poisoned me inside and out. Soon after college graduation I became chronically ill. Of course it took a long time to diagnose and I had to take medical leave from the job I worked so hard for. I had let it take control of my life.
After all of this, I ask myself, what do I want for my bullies? I contemplate on the fact that I am not a perfect person and I have made many mistakes in my life that have hurt others, especially when I was young and naïve similar to the popular boys that were in my school. I have learned from these mistakes and grown as a person to know to not hurt others with my actions and words. Is this true for my bullies? Have they grown and learned to not harass and objectify women. Then what do I hope for my bullies. Do I hope that they have an awful life like I had done for over a decade or should I hope that they have grown as people and no longer harass women? I want to say the latter, as to hope that no more women are traumatized as I was, but my life was ruined by them. They took everything from me. They took my sanity, my body, and my soul. I wanted revenge for so long and justice for my suffering. But revenge would do no good, it wouldn’t change anything. I don’t forgive my bullies, but I do hope that they have learned from their mistakes, that they have grown, that they have overcome their own pain that caused them to torment others. I have to have this hope so that I hope that no more women suffer from their harassment.
This piece runs deep. It sees not just the hurtful cruelty, but the person within, buried underneath it who hasn't learned how to be with everything that is there. It is compassionate without excusing. I felt this very deeply.....especially during my current situation, which has come and gone in unpredictable cycles that are almost predictable...you can feel it coming....
i will read this again...to help me remember..when i am being maligned....to remember the person that is hiding inside....... A line that really stays
Thanks for sharing this Antonio! It describe a harsh reality that we don't talk about. Thank you for following my page. I personally create a space to thank each of my new followers..
Bullying is the worst. Happens at all ages, unfortunately. Thanks for writing this up. Behind the bully is almost always a sufferer, tormentor who receives and propagates. Bullying needs to stop.
I hope this piece helps others, but sadly even if a bully reads this message, one will not understand it in the way intended. Instead this message is fuel for 🔥
This is a deeply considered piece. Many of us who have been victims of bullying, especially at school for being 'different' spend our lives othering the bully as irredeemable. I can't forgive my bullies to this day but I can humanise them a little more.
Deeply touching yet with a glimmer of hope.. when the bully can see finally who they really are… love itself speaking through their own pain, then it can stop.
That touches deeply - open soul surgery.
Thank you for sharing this with us. 🙏
I often think about where my bullies are now. For many years in school the popular boys would objectify and harass me. They would follow me home and cat call me. I would try to hide behind the trees in my street to get away. I saw them do this to other girls too. It was often the girls that were like me. They were quiet, or considered weird, and didn’t have many friends. I have carried this pain with me for so long and the trauma has controlled my life. I still have nightmares and wake up in a cold sweat, scared of being stalked in my dreams. For a long time, I told myself to work hard academically so I can have a better life than them, but in this I lost control and became engulfed by academic OCD. This stress and trauma had poisoned me inside and out. Soon after college graduation I became chronically ill. Of course it took a long time to diagnose and I had to take medical leave from the job I worked so hard for. I had let it take control of my life.
After all of this, I ask myself, what do I want for my bullies? I contemplate on the fact that I am not a perfect person and I have made many mistakes in my life that have hurt others, especially when I was young and naïve similar to the popular boys that were in my school. I have learned from these mistakes and grown as a person to know to not hurt others with my actions and words. Is this true for my bullies? Have they grown and learned to not harass and objectify women. Then what do I hope for my bullies. Do I hope that they have an awful life like I had done for over a decade or should I hope that they have grown as people and no longer harass women? I want to say the latter, as to hope that no more women are traumatized as I was, but my life was ruined by them. They took everything from me. They took my sanity, my body, and my soul. I wanted revenge for so long and justice for my suffering. But revenge would do no good, it wouldn’t change anything. I don’t forgive my bullies, but I do hope that they have learned from their mistakes, that they have grown, that they have overcome their own pain that caused them to torment others. I have to have this hope so that I hope that no more women suffer from their harassment.
Wishing for no one else to go through the same thing feels like a powerful place to arrive.
This piece runs deep. It sees not just the hurtful cruelty, but the person within, buried underneath it who hasn't learned how to be with everything that is there. It is compassionate without excusing. I felt this very deeply.....especially during my current situation, which has come and gone in unpredictable cycles that are almost predictable...you can feel it coming....
i will read this again...to help me remember..when i am being maligned....to remember the person that is hiding inside....... A line that really stays
because no one ever taught you
that you could be fragile
without being weak,
that you could tremble
without losing your dignity.
You are creating a new wound in the world.
A wound that will carry your name.
A wound that will not disappear
just because you stopped remembering it.
This is like showing mirror to the bullies. It takes a moment to humiliate but years to heal.
That looks at the subject in a multi-faceted way. Not just black and white/good and bad.
Fantastic writing.
Thanks for sharing this Antonio! It describe a harsh reality that we don't talk about. Thank you for following my page. I personally create a space to thank each of my new followers..
Your writing speaks to the complexity of human emotions and the impact of our upbringing. Very powerful imagery !
“No one is born
needing to humiliate someone else
just to feel a little more real.
You grew up in rooms where something was missing.” So insightful… love, love, love….
Exquisite. The metaphor of frost freezing the heart , feelings cauterised , is so powerful. Thank you for sharing
Bullying is the worst. Happens at all ages, unfortunately. Thanks for writing this up. Behind the bully is almost always a sufferer, tormentor who receives and propagates. Bullying needs to stop.
I hope this piece helps others, but sadly even if a bully reads this message, one will not understand it in the way intended. Instead this message is fuel for 🔥
I really loved this and thank you for sharing
Great article, but it is not a bully to speak out at injustice and Humen rights.
Oh for this to be heard by everyone who ever needed these words.
This is a deeply considered piece. Many of us who have been victims of bullying, especially at school for being 'different' spend our lives othering the bully as irredeemable. I can't forgive my bullies to this day but I can humanise them a little more.
Deeply touching yet with a glimmer of hope.. when the bully can see finally who they really are… love itself speaking through their own pain, then it can stop.